Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think my tv is drunk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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