Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
