I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
