i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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