there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
