I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
