I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
