I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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