you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
