I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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