At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
