The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
