i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
