I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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