We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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