Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize