All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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