Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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