no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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