you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize