UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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