I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
