I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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