i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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