i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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