today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize