he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
