I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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