Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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