she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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