my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
