make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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