Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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