im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
