i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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