im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
