i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
