she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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