When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
