I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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