If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize