If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
