Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
