Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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