i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
