He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
