woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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