She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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