google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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