After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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