Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
