Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
