How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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