dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
