Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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