the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
