i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
