She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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