She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
