Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
