Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
