Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come on in and take your pants off
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