My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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