Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
