my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
