its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize