Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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