I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
