cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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