you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
