haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize