my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
