so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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