your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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