Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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